The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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