You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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