some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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