I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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