Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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