My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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