There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize