What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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