I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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