I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize