I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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