There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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