I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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