You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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