Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize