Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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