Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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