I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize