Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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