I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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