You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize