So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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