I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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