he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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