I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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