You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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