Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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