jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I accidentally burped into my bong.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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