then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize