I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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