can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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