At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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