I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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