ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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