I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize