That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're so committed to being not committed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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