Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize