toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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