2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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