what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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