I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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