I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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