I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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