Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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