did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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