She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize