I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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