I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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