this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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