Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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